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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Miller-McNair

Happy or Not Valentines day

Well today is Valentine's Day, but it's also Wednesday. We all still need to go to work and the laundry isn't washing itself. Did you wake up to a heart shaped breakfast in bed? Yeah, me neither. I am pretty cheesy though when it comes to holidays. So my kids got heart shaped donuts and gift bags waiting on them. (see below) Hubby left us cards because he left before us all. And I took the girl teen to get heart shaped chicken biscuits for breakfast before school. Because nothing says love more than high cholesterol. I had planned to make a lovely dinner this evening for my family, but everyone has something to do....practice, clubs, work, life, etc. So there will be food at home to grab when everyone is home.

When my kids were little they were homeschooled, basically trapped at home with me all day. Prisoners with really great food and entertainment. We would have heart shaped breakfast and I'd teach them to bake a yummy treat. We'd make crafts and wear red. Now they are teens. They play ball and have jobs. And one of them didn't even eat the special donut I got up early to go get. Not that I am bitter.

This holiday brings so many expectations. If youre single it reminds you you're not dating anyone, and can make you feel lonely. If you're in a relationship it creates this expectation to "show your Love" and exactly which heart shaped food describes your relationship? Now there's the social media pressure.....did he post, what did he say, did it get any likes, what picture did he use of me? No matter your relationship status this holiday of expectations can leave even the most married person feeling lonely. I have been the single person, the dating person and the married person on this heart shaped holiday. Honestly. I cant tell you which was more lonely. The single or the married with unmet expectations. I have tried to talk out the expectations before so I am not let down own the day of. But lets be honest, as soon as that social media scroll shows roses, candy and diamonds we have to beat off the jealousy bug. Its not just the lack of gifts or affirmation that hits. Its the lack of gratitude or the loss of someone that hurts too. This morning the boy teen woke up with a headache so the special donut treat I was excited for didnt excite him at all. The gift bag of treats and cash didnt stir any emotions. He didnt feel well.....thats what I remind myself. He thanked me and hugged me. But my giddiness of cupids arrow day did not transfer to him.

I miss my step daughter too. Shes with mom this week and we gave her gifts while she was home with us. But I know she would have appreciated the heart shaped diabetes breakfast I set up.

I miss my hubby. We wont see each other much today. In between work, sports and meetings, we will steal kisses and fall asleep exhausted from life. Its tour season so we will probably have a date night in the summer. (see tour dates page to come laugh in a city near you)

So if youre reading this and saying "well at least you have a family". You are absolutely right. I am so thankful for my family. But there have been days like today I was married and no one hugged me. No one kissed me. The loneliest I have ever been was being near to someone who didnt really want me. So before you rush into the arms of someone just so you aren't alone, remember loneliness isnt about being alone.

If you're in a relationship and feeling lonely today remember is just a day. Here's a few reminders that help me when my thoughts and emotions try to get crazy

  • Don't put expectations on yourself or people without their consent.

  • Don't let jealousy take your joy.....stop scrolling

  • Talk to yourself like you love yourself. "I am loved"

  • Dont wait for others to love you, love you because God loves you. If you want a box of candy.....go get it. You want a special dinner go get it. Don't get crazy and go in debt. But don't wait to be shown love be someone else.

I promise the more you focus on others today the less you will feel lonely. I won't preach you a sermon on how much God loves you. But I will say this, if youre breathing, you are loved. You are special and you were made for this moment. Today and everyday, remember that people treat you the way you allow them to. Chances are we are allowing the treatment based on how we see ourselves. Love yourself because God loves you and allow others to love you the same way. Dont settle for cheap half hearted relationships. you are worth more than that.

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