Is this too much?

So how are you feeling with just a few days until Christmas? As of now there are 407 hours until Christmas, just incase you needed to know. I really tried to be on top of things this year. I had a spreadsheet and everything. I am not a spreadsheet type of person. But the last few years I kept finding gifts I bought and hid around the house after Christmas. So this year I was going to be prepared. Colored coded when gifts came in and when they were wrapped. It was going great until I found things I bought for our vacation last Summer and forgot about. Apparently I need a spreadsheet for that too.

I have 3 kids, well they are teens now. With each one, I think "Is this enough" as I pick out gifts. Then I ask "Is this too much". And then the same questiosn for my husband, my siblings, and so on. Until my spreadsheet is full and my bank account is empty. Can you relate? Honestly, once they open this gifts I dont feel bad anymore. Unless they dont appreciate the gift. If it was the wrong color, size, or they don't like it, then it was too much. My love language is not gifts. But I know that it is to many people, so I feel like I have to try my absolute best to show love to them. It might actually be too much.

Then there's the food. I am home from tour so I am cooking. Everyone gets a homecooked dinner, but it does not stop there. I start baking. This year I started trying new recipes. I am becoming more and more aware of the reality that my teens are getting older. So I am making their favorites, or trying to create new favorites. I see what I am doing....I am self aware, I am in therapy, LOL. Cookies, Cakes, Sausage balls, pigs in a blanket, rolo pretzles, chocolate covered anythinig.....It is absolutely TOO MUCH. But I know without a DOUBT my love language is FOOD. And one day I will be the Grandma who cooks the huge meals and sends everyone home with goodies.

I haven't blogged in a while. Which is crazy, because you would think I would write more when I am home off tour. But it is actually harder to sit down and focus when I am home. The last few weeks have been very overwhelming at times. I will spare you my life details, because I know you have your own. We all know how life works. In the busiest seasons, more gets piled on. The dryer breaks, the car breaks down, the kids get sick, the test results come back, you lose your job, the bills pile up, etc., etc. etc. IT IS ALL TOO MUCH. What should be the happiest time of the year quickly becomes the hardest. And as a mom or parent, you are supposed to carry the smile for everyone. That is not easy, That is TOO MUCH! Lots of people say "give it to God". I would really like to know where is mailbox is to hand him bills and test results. So let's do it. If you are still reading this, let's create a place where we literally put the bills, test results, or whatever it is that we are supposed to give to him. A basket, bowl, or buy a mail box if that makes you feel better. Sometimes I need a visual reminder that God is in control. And when I start doubting, I will see the God place, where he is handling it all. It's all too much for me anyway. If I need to write down the struggle and put it there, I will do that too. I don't want this season to be "too much" for me to see who God is in it all. I don't want to miss his grace and love. The reason we do all this is because He loved us first! HE DID TOO MUCH! He was to original TOO MUCH! Every part of the story of Chirst is "too much". His birth, his ministry of love and healing, his judgement on earth, and ultimately his horrific death for us. I need my gratitude to be more than my overwhelm. For me, sometimes the only way to do that is to have a visual. So my notebook, mailbox, basket of everything I'm giving to God is my reminder that it is all his and I trust him with it. I will do my part, and he will do the rest. Its all too much for me to handle. But never too much for a big God.

I will be praying for you! Merry Christmas!