The theme of my season of life right now seems to be "I wasn't expecting that". This could be a wonderful surprise or a shift in my life completely. I can literally look at my last 12 weeks and see this theme happen each week. But isn't that how life is? Each season something so unexpected?
Before you start wondering how serious this could be let me explain, One week we left spring break driving from Florida to NC for a ball tournament. On the way my kid tells me they have an "unexpected" ear ache. We try to treat the ear pain, but within days we are in the ER having a wick shoved in her ear and another week after she is having hearing test to make sure she doesn't have any hearing loss. The pain, the copays, the illness was all very unexpected.
Also on that trip the battery in my car died........died....3 hours from home on a Saturday. This "unexpected" was pretty simple. I knew what to buy, where to buy, and have it fixed. thank the lord I have the resources to pay for it! Many times in my life this expense would of meant no money for food or gas for the week.
The week before my high junior tells me the college he has chosen.....7 and a half hours away. I am so excited for him. And I am in shock that within a year I will be moving my baby away. This was "unexpected". A great change for my boy, but definitely an emotional surprise for me. So when I say the last few months have been weekly....I am not exaggerating. Other car expenses, my teens first car accident, the last sports games of another teens middle school years, prom, formals, missed flights, delayed flights, booked shows, rejected shows......and this on top of a busy tour season, typical parenting and coparenting.
A sweet surprise was my hubby meeting me in New York and booking an incredible Times Square view room the day before a big show.
Its seasons like this that remind me why I cling to God so much. I have heard it all before.....weak people cling to faith. I know my strength. I know what I have lived through and healed from. My relationship with God is something I have studied, tested and seen the glory in. In all those weeks I wasnt able to be in a church pew every week. But my faith wasnt shaken. I dove into scripture when I was struggling to hold on to truth. My prayer life isnt a structured closet meeting. Its literally woven into my day in almost every moment. "Lord, heal my Childs ear". "Father help me make the right choice". "Lord, I am tired and I want to be mean, help me love the way you love". "Lord I love you and thank you so much for this moment".
In my darkest grief I wondered if God was real. At times I yelled at him, and even tried to stop talking to him. But, I dont have a religion I can walk away from, I have a relationship with a Father I want and need in my life. I have seen peace that passes understanding in situations that was unheard of. I have seen blessings and miracles. I have seen healings where doctors say there are none. So I will get rest when I need it, eat what is best for my body (try really hard to) and focus on truth. The things of this world will pass away. those cars will break and be gone at some point. the rejection will open doors for better opportunities, and the changes of life will make me stronger. They will for sure keep me treasuring every moment with the ones I love.